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A similar prevalence of rectal chlamydia infection was found in an Amsterdam based study of men and women who reported receptive anal intercourse.
Some say it’s from sitting on the toilet too long (guilty). Others say it’s from not eating enough fiber (guilty). Also, there’s obesity (guilty), heavy lifting (guilty—remember when my balls twisted together? I’m not exactly sure when I first noticed, but at some point, during wiping (another thing, I am a notorious hyper wiper—perhaps another cause), I realized I had a little buddy. A friend who wanted to poke his head out and see what was going on.♦◊♦Hemorrhoids are inflamed bits of vein that fill with blood, bleed, and are very painful and sensitive. So I make some jokes, and the doctor puts his finger in me, and I stop making jokes. I realize that I haven’t gone to the bathroom yet that day, and begin to worry that he may effectively be destroying a dam.
At a place like that, you shouldn’t have to go through that kind of trouble. There is no waiting room like the one for a colorectal surgeon.
It often occurred to me to go to a doctor, but by the time I would get off the toilet, the urgency had subsided. I was dating at the time, and because there was no chance in hell that I was going to explain to my dates what was going on, I would surreptitiously remove the paper seconds before sex. I found a colorectal surgeon, a Jew (which is how I pick my doctors in a city that has too many) named Stephen Brandeis. I go to the check-in area and have a half-hour argument with the woman behind the desk about whether I have a referral. We know what you’ve been through.”I finally make it to the waiting room.
I started sleeping with folded-up toilet paper against my butthole. I had to go to a colorectal surgeon, and I had to go now. There is a downstairs check-in area and an upstairs waiting room.