“Whatever that thing is, you better make sure that the women you're with will support you in your pursuit of it. “To be in the girlfriend category, a woman should appear confident, easy-going, and not be the one who flirts with every guy she meets,” says dating expert Julie Spira, author of . “All men have something they need to accomplish that makes them feel like they’re on track and that their life is worth living,” says dating coach Lauren Frances, author of . But if she makes too much of an effort—with every guy in a ten mile radius—watch your back.In addition to encouraging him to stay home at every juncture, also encourage him to stay with Clarissa when you talk on the beach. Getting dumped comes in many forms — outright rejection, being left, being cheated on, being broken up with. The greatest challenge of being dumped is to welcome our emotions as real and insurmountable, and to face all hatred and bitterness, toward self and others, with joyful defiance. But that truth may not sink in for weeks, or months, or years.Here are five deafening voices we need to defy when we’ve been dumped. For those whose sin weighs on them, who know with friendly familiarity the voice of the accuser, it feels impossible to disbelieve the lie: “God is punishing me for sin.” Being broken up with can have the same effect as a bomb — it can create a ringing in our ears, so that we cannot hear the voices of those who love us; even God himself.“They were right to dump you.” “You’re ugly.” “You’re insufficient.” We take metaphorical sharp objects and jab ourselves until we’re too numb to cry. They’re now an emotional intruder — by their unwelcome departure they have made themselves unwelcome ghosts in our hearts. And it’s all my fault.” Even more frightening than being dumped is the prospect of being alone forever. “Of course,” you think, “If I’m unlovable, no one will love me.” If someone would dump you, then everybody worth being with will inevitably do the same — so the voices say. But just because it’s hard to hear, that doesn’t mean the love isn’t there.“I’m fat.” “I’m not funny enough.” “I’m not good enough.” We compare ourselves to others. “I lost my shot at being happy.” “Nothing can overturn this feeling.” There is no bodily location of the despair. Being broken up with is like getting dropped in a maze, and always ending up at the same wall: rejection. Here are five truths to revive your hearts from the haze of being dumped.
The lady you want on your arm long-term won’t use or abuse, so decide whether to make her a more permanent plus-one by taking a look at these 10 signs she belongs in the girlfriend category. “Infatuation and chemistry are important initially, but if you fall into the trap of being in an instant relationship, it can crash and burn after a month or so,” says Spira.And you don’t want every guy in town to be ogling her, right?“Going out in public with a dress that fits like a blouse won’t score any points for long-term potential,” Spira says. Your future girlfriend shouldn’t ever feed you a line of BS. You find her crazy-attractive—and that attraction grows, not fades. The spark is legit, but all fireworks fizzle with time. The worst choice that you can make is a woman that cockblocks you from fulfilling your mission.". NEXT: 8 More Signs She’s GF Material [pagebreak] 3. If you can’t name half a dozen non-physical reasons she’s a cool human being, it ain’t gonna last.